Is God Still Using Me?
It’s been awhile. How have you all been lately? I hope September treated you well and that October is being good to you so far 🙂 As for me, it’s definitely been an interesting month/week to say the least. A lot of changes and transitions have been taking place, and it is both exciting yet daunting at the same time. In short, I’ve entered a new season in life, and along with it has come a new set of highs and lows.
Part of this new season involves me trying to balance two jobs – one full time and one part time. As rewarding as both of these jobs are, they often leave me feeling depleted and overwhelmed by the end of the day. I mention this because I’ve noticed that I’m not posting as much content as I used to because I’m either a) way too exhausted or b) flat out unmotivated to put any effort into this blog or any other social media platform for that matter. This, mixed with the fact that I’ve also been feeling super uninspired lately, has caused me to feel pretty frustrated and disappointed in myself.
I haaate it. I think one reason why it bothers me so much is because a part of me feels as if I’m not serving God in the way I used to feel so strongly called to serve. I mean, I started this whole blog and instagram because I felt this pull to encourage others. But… I’m not really posting as frequently or consistently as I had hoped, and I’ve basically been MIA for the past month. And so in this new season, I’ve asked myself many times out of frustration, “Is God still using me? Do my words actually matter? Am I even making a difference?”
I know it might sound silly of me to be upset by the fact that I don’t blog or post on instagram as much as I’d like to. You might be thinking, Girl… it’s just social media. It’s not that serious. Yeah, I get that! But hey, these are the honest questions I’ve been wrestling with and praying about so please be gentle with me as I share what God has been speaking over my heart.
The simple answer is yes, of course God is still using me.
During these past few weeks, God has shown me how His plans for me go far beyond the plans and expectations I create & place on myself. In other words, God has shown me that my calling to love and encourage others is not limited to a mere online presence. How foolish of me to think it was! Throughout this time, God has opened my heart and my eyes to all the different ways He is using me to encourage others in every area of my life and not just through a blog post. I see now how God is using me in the early hours of the morning when I’m teaching English to children in China. He uses me when I walk into work and interact with my coworkers. He uses me to love on and exercise patience with the students in my classroom. He is using me when a friend or family member comes to me in need, and He is even using me in settings where I am completely surrounded by strangers.
Through all of this, I’ve learned to let go of my expectations of how I “should” be serving God. I’ve also finally stopped beating myself up for not meeting those said expectations. I realized that, in some sense, by holding on to these expectations I was operating from a place of “striving” and “performing” for God. As a result, I was essentially putting the focus on me instead of Him. I was more concerned about my own grind rather than God’s grace, goodness and guidance.
When I put my focus back on God (the key to everything tbh), I was reminded of how it is often the smallest and most simple of gestures that make people feel encouraged, appreciated, and loved. It’s crazy much power there is in a smile, a prayer, or the act of simply listening to someone share the things that are on their heart.
I guess I wrote all this to say that I know now that even if I might not be posting as much content as I’d like, God is still using me to encourage and love on the people around me every day. And regardless of whether I post a blog or not, regardless of the number of likes or followers or page views that I get – at the end of the day, none of that matters. God is still (and always) using me, and He will continue to use me exactly where I’m at.
If you made it this far, I appreciate you.
Thank you for reading what’s been on my heart as of late.
I’ll see you in my next blog post 🙂
All my love,